


memories lost and found

by polarisized



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Animal Death, Bad Parenting, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, False Identity, Family Issues, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loneliness, Memory Loss, Mommy Issues, Past Character Death, Presumed Dead, Protective Siblings, Recovered Memories, Resurrection, every day, i guess, idk - Freeform, jon feels like that, writing my own canon, you know the empty feeling that you get on bad days?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarisized/pseuds/polarisized
Summary: in which jon can only remember some things post resurrection.(based on the Ghostbur plot.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	memories lost and found

it had been a few weeks since jon had came back. he still was having a hard time remembering things. the red woman said it eventually would all come back.

some things were still there.

sometimes, jon would see flashes of four auburn-haired children and a brown headed girl with a long face, and his heart would warm. he did not know who they were, so he asked melisandre. she had informed him that they were the starks, his family. she told him they were all dead, or had ran off somewhere far away from westeros. that made jon feel sad. the witch told him that the oldest boy was his brother, robb, and then came sansa, then arya, then bran, and the littlest stark was rickon. he and robb had been nearly the same age, at least until robb had died.  
he did not ask melisandre what happened to his siblings, to spare himself from the agony. she told him anyway. 

robb had been killed by the freys, out of anger and greed. they chopped off his head and replaced it with the head of his direwolf. jon remembered his name to be grey wind. he was a bit disappointed that he could remember the wolf, but not his own family. 

nobody knows what happened to lady sansa. according to the red woman, prince joffrey died and sansa vanished from king’s landing. jon hoped she wasn’t dead. he was not sure if he had any good memories with lady sansa. the bastard boy could recall how lady sansa treated him when they were in winterfell, but she was a young girl. it was all lady catelyn’s influence, that was all. 

then arya. poor, sweet arya. jon felt guilty that he had not made any moves to save her from ramsay snow. she had been married off to the brutal heir of the dreadfort, and that was where her story ended, as far as he knew. she was probably dead, or worse. jon felt so sad thinking about her. he remembered her to be his favorite. he remembered the sword he had given her, which she named needle. arya so desperately wanted to wield a sword. jon hoped she got the chance to learn.

bran. jon had not seen bran in ages, talked to him, heard from him or about him. when jon left to join the watch, bran was asleep. he had slept for a long time after a fall, jon could remember. he told the boy bye, but got no response. melisandre told him that the little boy had been put to the torch by theon greyjoy.

jon’s heart had broken into a million little bits when he heard that.

theon? 

he could remember theon slightly, he thought.

when someone mentioned theon, jon recollected the time in winterfell he had spent with his half-brother robb and theon. he thought of theon as a brave, but thick boy. never would jon think from that description that he would kill the little boys he grew up with.

rickon was last. rickon was three when jon left to join the watch, but he knew that rickon cared for him. although it had been so so long since he had been in winterfell, he remembered the feast that was held when robert baratheon came to winterfell. he remembered how he had to sit away from the dais, away from his family, because he was a bastard, and bastards bring dishonor. he remembered rickon stopping to greet him. he remembered rickon fondly. rickon was dead now. the boy burned on a stake, no older than six. by someone he trusted. 

that made jon’s blood grow white hot. 

theon turncloak, he remembered. theon was no man of honor. theon was a traitor, and he deserved to die like one.

jon remembered his father easily. he thought about him a lot. however, he could not quite remember what eddard looked like. at first, when he thought about eddard, he saw a man with soft but stern grey eyes and long, nicely kept hair. then he saw a man with purple eyes and even longer white hair, and then the face distorted. now, when jon thought about his father, he only saw a body. the head had been covered by a messy blob in his mind.  
perhaps it was because lord eddard had been beheaded for treason. he remembered that on his own. poor jon was too ashamed to ask melisandre what his father had looked like. what kind of son was he, to not remember his own father’s appearance? it made him feel like a fool. 

he knew nothing of his mother to begin with, so that was not too much of a shock to him. jon could remember lady catelyn though. the cruel words she had said to him, the cruel way she had treated him, and what she whispered to sansa about him. jon never understood why she blamed him, instead of lord eddard. he could feel her harsh blue eyes burning into his skull, feel the anger burning off of her when he was around. somehow, though, jon could remember feeling sad, and mourning her even, after her death. 

jon went to sleep that night thinking about his siblings.


End file.
